On our backs we used to craft aerial confections that later would be caught on our tongues as snow or rain, a remedy for any ailment.
Today the plum colored sky smells of petrichor and gunpowder, and the puddles are filthy and sweet.
(prompt via )
8 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I like the simplicity and terseness of this; it contrasts with the magical and carefree childishness the poem begins with and adds power to the ending, informed with reality, but still a taste of the old magic the poem (and poet can claim).
I agree with David that the contrast between the childlike attitude of the first part and the terse imagery of the second part give your poem power. A well put together piece. Thanks.
So much conveyed in so little. Love the simplicity. The way the poem shows the contrast between the two moods is great. The last line is sadly beautiful.
Thanks, Nathan, for the word "petrichor". (a rather dense reader, I kept trying to make the first two lines have something to do with wings or capes. duh) It's an interesting poem to read aloud, with such a concentration of hard "c" sounds and all those "p"s.
)
8 comments:
I like the simplicity and terseness of this; it contrasts with the magical and carefree childishness the poem begins with and adds power to the ending, informed with reality, but still a taste of the old magic the poem (and poet can claim).
short and good.....nicely done
I agree with David that the contrast between the childlike attitude of the first part and the terse imagery of the second part give your poem power. A well put together piece. Thanks.
Nice - it's full of memory and shifting life.
So much conveyed in so little. Love the simplicity. The way the poem shows the contrast between the two moods is great. The last line is sadly beautiful.
Sorry or should I put it as- beautiful in a sad way :D
Wow, I like this a lot. The second stanza offers a wonderful turn.
Thanks, Nathan, for the word "petrichor".
(a rather dense reader, I kept trying to make the first two lines have something to do with wings or capes. duh) It's an interesting poem to read aloud, with such a concentration of hard "c" sounds and all those "p"s.
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