IV
V
VI.
VII.
In the grocery store, I shatter
the purchased jars
of mayonnaise, mustard,
and jam, right there
at the checkout counter.
It has become habit
to bandage my hands.
In the fluorescent aisles,
the bones of my clavicles
show through the skin
like a secret everyone knows,
and inelegant whispers
follow me like cobwebs.
They say I have hope
stored away somewhere.
They are welcome
to come and find it.
(prompt via
)
20 comments:
I feel so tickled by the humour there. Great tone.
Those last lines are excellent.
Those bandaged hands kind of intrigue me!
tale of two toes
Very interesting, Nathan. I especially enjoyed the second stanza.
Hi Nathan,
I like stanza 2 too!
Here is another ambiguose poem! Are you writing about someone very ill? Or mentally odd? That is what I really like about it!
Of course the last two lines are terrific!
mayonnaise, mustard, and jam, oh my!
I particularly like your lines:
It has become habit
to bandage my hands.
I don't know, a few performances like that, and they'll have you on mood stabilizers, Pan.
I love the surreal juxtaposition of the store and objects in it with the strange self-mutilating behaviors and strong voice, expansive ending.
I love "inelegant whispers / follow me like cobwebs"
"Like a secret everyone knows" -- I like that a lot.
I liked the "secret everyone knows" too. I am feeling empathy for this person. I am thinking about your poem Nathan, and reading it one more time. Thank you for giving voice to secrets.
I sense the desperation that clings to this image -
Such a dare! A powerful statement and stance. Interesting. Thanks.
I love the boldness, the image of someone doing that, what a scene it would make, and the narrator's calm "habit." Powerful stuff, to take the everyday and turn it on it's head.
I have to say I like every single part of this poem. Thanks for taking on the prompt.
(The jar series is marvelous. There is powerful stuff in them. What a series they would make.)
I like the language in this poem, in particular these lines:
"In the fluorescent aisles,
the bones of my clavicles
show through the skin
like a secret everyone knows"
and your last two lines. An enjoyable read.
-Nicole
good one...thanks for sharing
The inaudible whispers line is lovely.
This is lovely and the ending is so wonderfully wry. Thanks for sharing it.
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