Thursday, June 24, 2010

Steganography I

"God gave us memories that we might have roses in December"
J. M. Barrie

I.

Two days in, they gave your brain
room to breathe, and no matter

what mom said,
I always knew I'd seen the missing

crescent of your skull.
No,

missing is the wrong word;
it sat on the bedside table

at the bottom of a mason jar,
some child's mischievous grin,

a narrow, bitten moon resting
nonchalantly against the glass,

out of place
but incontrovertibly

present, a slice of rind
screaming for the orange.



Prompt: I want to write about ______, but I don't know how.
Join the circus: BigTentPoetry.org

8 comments:

caroleesherwood said...

nathan -- this is very powerful. i know that you asked for critique so you can keep digging at it ... hmmm ... maybe a different title?

i love the epigraph.

and i love that the smile is in the jar at the bedside.

wow.

1sojournal said...

As a former writing instructor, I can only say that I think Carolee is correct. As an individual who is the you that you address in the poem, I have always wondered what my siblings felt and thought about that experience. I know now, and thank you.

Elizabeth

ravenswingpoetry.com said...

The images -- the mischievous grin, the moon, the slice of rind -- make this piece all the more poignant. The spacing of your couplets also adds to the effect to. I think maybe the title could change, but that's about all. Lovely piece.

-Nicole

Tumblewords: said...

Stunning imagery and poignant thoughts. I agree with the others that the title could be changed but that's it - this is an eloquent piece.

youareuseless said...

Wow! Weird! In the best way!

哲維維 said...

知識可以傳授,智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。......................................................................

Cynthia Short said...

Wow, this piece was so clear and powerfully written. I actually know someone who had this procedure done...but they kept the bone within a pocket of flesh, created in his abdomen...gives me the chills just thinking about it!

家賢 said...

良言一句三冬暖,惡語傷人六月寒。....................................................................